Sunday, December 29, 2013

Furtive Father Winter Gifts!

     I got back from my holiday trip to a bunch of wonderful surprises. First of all Tyl had mail! Stubborn had sent him some really awesome pets:
Tyl decided to name this one Stubborn. And now we just might have to have another go at taming the matching spirit beast. And it wasn't just this adorable porcupette, but a Pengu and a Snarly too (two of the cutest pets if you ask me :D)
      And then to make things even better in my email was this story guest post he'd written, which is just perfect!

Plenty of Paladins
By Stubborn of Sheep the Diamond

My day started as it always did, checking in with my boss, Lord Greyson Shadowbreaker.  I’ve always assumed that he got his job due to his name; if you’re born Lord Shadowbreaker, it’s not likely you grow up to be a trade supplies vendor.

He had a job for me.  He wanted me to secure lumber for the rebuilding of Stormwind after the cultists and Deathwing’s attacks.  It struck me that it had been a long time since those attacks, years, in fact, and I was curious as to why these repairs hadn’t yet been completed, but I understand the hierarchy of the church and kept my questions to myself.  He suggested I check around the vendors in town, but that was silly; if we had lumber in town, why weren’t the repairs done?  Besides, I knew a few places where I could get some and save the city a ton of money.  Frugality is a virtue of the Light. 

First, I went to check the site.  Why wasn’t it fixed yet?  It probably had to do with those lazy union workers, the same ones who rioted and killed the Queen.  However, no time to reminisce about the justice the Light served on the VanCleef family.  Time to move on.  To Portal Island!

I hopped into the Hyjal portal so I could fly south to a lumber harvesting company I remembered from my traveling days.  I remembered helping to secure the area for the Alliance, so I thought I’d drop in and see what kind of “hero discount” they could offer.  However, when I arrived, I was shocked to see the filthy horde at their land-grabbing again!

I jumped into the fray immediately to offer the Light’s assistance. 

This fellow thinks he can throw a saw blade at me!  One swift blow downed him for justice, and for lumber!

But, the place was mostly cleaned out, and besides, it was clear it would take forever for them to ship my order, since a seemingly endless wave of goblin harvesters kept appearing.  Oh well, I knew another place I could check.  It might not be kosher with the King, but if the horde were causing trouble here, I bet knew a place I could get a great deal on lumber.  To Warsong Lumber Mill!

Hmmm.  It seems the Orcs had lost control to the Night Elves.  I remembered some complaining about “ancient trees” or “ancestral land” or some elvish mumbo-jumbo.  Know what I mean?  I thought I might grab an axe and just harvest the wood myself, but then I saw this fellow watching over the place.

Some of these trees might be his cousin or something, and he doesn’t look like someone I’d want to tangle with.  Oh well, another bust.  But hey, I knew somewhere else where there was some really fancy wood that might really impress the King!  To Dalaran!

I remembered working in a forest just below Dalaran, and that was years ago, so I was sure the place would be cleared out of ruffians by now.  As I approached, I noticed some Blue Dragonkin guarding the area.  Good; we’re their buddies now since I removed Malygos from the throne.

I landed to see what the going rate was for lumber.

Good Light!  They attacked me!  These mad dragonkin must not have gotten Kalecgos’s memo or something.  I defended myself and left; I didn’t want to stir up any trouble with dragons.  Besides, I knew there were other parts of the forest I might be able to harvest.  I remembered picking up some enchanted wood years ago, so I flew around until I saw some ruins that struck me as familiar, and I landed.

What’s this?  Ghosts?  Here?  And no lumber! 
Then it struck me.  Everything fell into place.  The lumber shortage, Deathwing’s attack on Stormwind, Garrosh’s betrayal and his hoarding of lumber inside Orgrimmar - it all made sense.  The Lich King was behind it!  If he bought up all the lumber, we couldn’t build new fortifications or new battering rams to smash our way into his fortress.  Well, I’d whooped him before, and I could whoop him again.  Off to Icecrown Citadel I flew.

First, I scouted around to see if there was any lumber lying around the outside.  I noticed an abandoned battering ram at the front gate, the very sort of offensive siege weapon he’d remove from our arsenal if he stole all the lumber.

I checked for stockpiles around the side.

I also checked underneath, though I didn’t go into that pit again.  It was dark last time, and scary.
But no such luck.  I’d have to storm his tower, then, again.  I enlisted the help of another paladin, because, you know, why wouldn’t I?  We met up and attacked the fortress.

I tried asking this fellow about wood stores, but to no avail.  He just kept yellling about something called a “BOOOONNNNEEEESTTOOOOORRRRRMMMM!”  I wondered if this was a juvenile joke about my quest for wood.
Several more of the Lich King’s champions fell, but none of them knew anything.

I tried asking Sindragosa, to no avail.

I tried asking the Blood Princes, to no avail.

And I tried asking Putricide, to no avail.

I guess I was just going to have to see the big man himself.

Upon killing the Lich King, I was distressed to find no lumber hidden anywhere.  Even the throne was ice and steel, not wood!

Feeling like a failure, I returned to Stormwind and asked around in the traders if anyone knew where I could get wood.  After some more rather immature and churlish responses that I didn’t fully understand, someone suggested I check the Mage District for a vendor named Jessara.

By the Light!  She is beautiful!  I could barely remember why I stopped in, but after browsing her wares, I remembered I needed wood.  After all that travel and battle, this radiant woman was offering me planks for coppers!  It was a sign, surely, a sign that she and I were perfect for one another.  I asked her if she’d grace me with her presence for lunch by the lake’s shore.  She looked at her father, who had a slight frown on his face.  I knew this routine; dating heroes was dangerous; too often, they left and never came home.  But I silently prayed to the Light, and she responded with, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
I understood; she was playing coy in front of her father.  I winked and said, “I understand.  I’ll be there at three, if you change your mind.”  I knew she would.

I checked my wood shipment and headed back to my boss to hand it over, riding my sweet new mount that the Lich King had donated to the cause.

Lord Shadowbreaker wanted to talk about what had taken me so long to fly to a vendor, buy wood, and come back, but I told him I didn’t have time; I had a date to get to!

I flew to the lakeside and laid out my picnic basket. 

I was a little early, but I didn’t mind waiting for that daughter of the Light.
So I waited.

And waited.  But, she never came.  There were plenty of paladins in Stormwind for her to choose from, I guess, and I wasn’t the one she chose.

Being a hero is lonely sometimes, but at least I know when the Stormwind construction is complete that I will have had an important part in it.  It may not have been slaying dragons or deposing tyrants, but those buildings will be there partly because of me.

Thank you so much, Stubborn! And thanks even more for all the trouble you took helping me get the screenshots so I could post this up in all its intended glory.
And thank you Akabeko for your Furtive Father Winter exchange!

1 comment:

  1. The pets are wonderful gifts but the story complete with screenshots was amazing! That poor lonely hero, I'm sure some day he'll find a worthy lady.